Journey to Authentic Living Beyond Conformity and Regret

Speaker 2: 0:03

This is the Rebel HR podcast, the podcast about all things innovation in the people's space. I'm Kyle Rode. Let's start the show. All right, Welcome back Rebel community. We are so excited for the guest. Today. With us we have Dr Anna Marie Frank. She is a doctor of traditional naturopathy. We're going to have to talk about that a little bit.

Speaker 1: 0:28

Naturopathy.

Speaker 2: 0:30

So I was joking before I hit record. I'm like I always want to make sure I get the names pronounced correctly, but I didn't ask how to pronounce what you're a doctor of so Rebel community forgive me for that and a PhD in natural medicine. We're going to be talking all about rewiring people's way of thinking so that they can live as their true, authentic selves. Today, Anna Marie, thank you so much for joining us. I'm really excited for the conversation today.

Speaker 1: 0:59

Yeah, thanks for having me.

Speaker 2: 1:01

Well, I'm excited. I can already tell that this is going to be a great conversation, and I get a lot of guest pitches throughout the course of the week. This is one that, when I saw your focus, I just thought this is going to be something that's going to be helpful for our listeners, for the community, to learn a little bit about. So I'm curious what motivated you to focus on rewiring how we think and, ultimately, helping people be more authentic to their true selves?

Speaker 1: 1:32

Yeah, well, I mean, it started with myself and I had a pretty messed up brain and in my early 20s I went to a psychiatrist, was put on multiple medications because I thought that I should take a pill because that is going to solve my problems, and quickly realizing that the downward spiral I was on and being on medications actually made me worse, and so throughout my journey I was trying to find ways. I thought, wow, if we can reprogram a computer, we should be able to reprogram our brain. And I didn't really fully understand how the brain worked at the time, and so I started to just dive in on how I could essentially rewire my brain, rewire my biology and just really shift the way I was thinking and speaking about my life. And it started kind of with a vision board. I saw Oprah and she was talking about vision boards and all these people were happy. In the back of my mind I'm like, oh yeah, well, that's great for those people. Like, really, you make a vision board and your life changes.

Speaker 1: 2:37

I was a very negative person and then I thought if I want to be happy, maybe I should start doing what happy people seem to be doing. That's a concept, and so, yeah. So I started setting goals, making goals, realizing there's some natural things in the world that can help you, and set forth on a journey to rewire my brain. And here I am, many years later, still working on it, but I'm doing way better than I was back then.

Speaker 2: 3:08

Well, so I think this is a fascinating topic and I think what's interesting to me is I think some people are probably like well, this is like an HR podcast. This is a podcast about innovation in the people's space, but the reality is like we're really just working with brains, right, like you know 100%.

Speaker 2: 3:28

So if we can figure out how to positively kind of like rewire, hack whatever words you want to use I think it's a worthy endeavor. And there's been so much debate around. Do you do that with chemicals, right? And is that like pharmaceuticals? Is that better than like the natural medicines that you can do?

Speaker 2: 3:53

I mean, the reality is like people have been trying to like figure this out for as long as we've been around and so, as you were going through your personal journey and kind of realizing, hey, maybe I should mimic what happy people are doing and kind of figure out these tactics. What were some things that were maybe surprised you along the way, or some areas of focus that gave you results you didn't really expect?

Speaker 1: 4:24

Yeah. So I kind of want to back up one second, because what's interesting about the brain? I got to throw a few little facts in there because I'm a dork like that, but our brain is the strongest pharmacy on planet Earth, and I learned that very quickly, because we can change a thought in 150 milliseconds and that thought will change the biochemical makeup of our body. So, literally, you get to choose happiness or you get to choose frustration, sadness, anger. We get to choose all of it. And so one of the biggest things is when I was rewiring my brain is I started to take control back of my life. I quit blaming other people, quit blaming the economy, quit blaming my bosses, quit blaming my parents for not giving me money for college and having to do everything on my own and wham, wham, wham, right.

Speaker 1: 5:12

So I was showing up in life looking for everything that was going wrong to blame somebody else for my current situation, and so it took me literally getting exhausted with myself and realizing like I don't want to live this way anymore. And so it started with just shifting the way I was thinking and approaching life. So I started to not complain to other people, I started to look for what was good. I started to get into gratitude and it literally is free and it's the most simple thing to do.

Speaker 1: 5:47

And if you do it enough times, then it starts to shift how your brain is looking for things. It's starting to shift how you're physically feeling and then it starts to shift the words that are coming out of your mouth, the thoughts that you're having, because that's really where the biggest power is is every thought and every word we speak carries a vibrational frequency that influences our biochemistry, and people don't realize that. I do seminars and trainings with people and if you just like right now, those of you that are listening to this podcast if you just check your body how you feel right now probably a lot going on right and then if you say the word hate and check in with your body and how it hits your body, and then if you say the word love and how that hits your body and how your body feels is completely different. It's crazy, it's absolutely crazy, like it's so cool.

Speaker 2: 6:41

Yeah, that's kind of weird.

Speaker 2: 6:42

I just did that in my head.

Speaker 2: 6:45

Well, it's funny though, but I think you know, and we actually we just had a guest who's her primary focus was on kind of the somatic awareness, and you know how your body interacts with you, know your emotions, but yeah, when you, when I said hate in my head, I felt this feeling in the pit of my stomach right Like this discomfort, and then, when I said love, I felt it in my chest and I smiled kind of involuntarily and it's.

Speaker 2: 7:08

But yeah, try it. It's weird to think about that, but I think what's interesting is, like, I feel like we're kind of we're coming to a realization as a society and I think, in the kind of the collective understanding, that that things that we used to consider to be kind of kind of out there or woo, woo, you know, things like like meditation and gratitude and like and the way that we think and the context that we approach the world in, can actually change us physically. And I think this science is kind of catching up with the, what I would call like the, the intuition that these things are good for us so.

Speaker 2: 7:51

So I know that you've spent a lot of time kind of studying this, and then what I'm really interested to, to maybe dig into a little bit, is how to how to put this into practice.

Speaker 2: 8:00

And you know, so often I think these things make sense to us as as people leaders and people practitioners that, hey, we, you know it's a good thing to be, you know, grateful right it's a good thing to choose happiness, but through the course of our day, as we interact with others and as we interact with ourselves, it's so easy to fall into those past patterns, and I know that you, you, you rewired your brain to overcome those patterns. So how, what are some tactics that we can take as we, as we we see ourselves falling into these, these practices that are maybe lower frequency or negative energies?

Speaker 1: 8:38

Yeah, and that's going to happen. Our brains, our biology, is wired to avoid danger and look out for danger, so we are wired to look for everything that is wrong. So that's where it gets us and that can be challenging. So sorry, I just lost my train of thought, which is funny because I heard something outside of of here. I know I get distracted. It's like there's a million things going on in this building. So what was your question? I guess I gotta go back.

Speaker 2: 9:15

No worries. So the question was how do we like, how do we stay focused on, on shifting out of these patterns, that are, these lower frequency?

Speaker 1: 9:23

patterns. Yeah, okay, thank you for clarifying so and reminding me what we were talking about. So, yes, so really, it's checking yourself, like when it's happening, because you're going to go back to that, automatically responding, and when you realize you're doing the very thing that you're telling yourself I'm not going to do, I'm not going to show up this way or whatnot, when you do it, because it's going to happen, what you do, is you this and, by the way, I'm sharing this because this is what I did for myself is I kind of laughed and said, oh yeah, annemarie, you're doing that thing again. Remember, you don't do that anymore. So the thing is is a lot of people will say, oh well, I want to change, and they'll change a little bit, and then they go back to their old patterns like, oh see, it's just too hard, I can't, and they beat themselves up over it versus really practicing it over and over.

Speaker 1: 10:13

And then the other aspect is you always have to have your future self in mind Whenever we're moving towards a goal. If you have your future self in mind, you will always be able to show up in a more direct way towards the goals and the things that you want, which is really, really important. That future self is where you need to stay at. And a lot of people say, well, I just don't have motivation, or you know, again, we're making up these excuses. But when you're you, when you never lose motivation, when you are feeling a lack of motivation, that is because you are no longer in alignment with your true, authentic self and that future self that you have in mind.

Speaker 1: 10:53

So to rewire, it takes always having your future self in mind and when you go back to doing the things that you don't want to be doing, you have to one, not judge yourself and to remind yourself oh yeah, I don't do that thing anymore. And it takes this repetitive move, this repetitive behavior to make those changes. And it's not going to happen overnight, but it can start to happen in 150 milliseconds when you shift your thought, and that can be really, really powerful. But a lot of people are living their life as if they're a victim in their life that, oh, this happened to me and they, they don't take that, they don't take their power back into their own hands when, ultimately, they get to decide how they feel. Every day, they get to decide what they want to do. Every day they get to decide. You know what they're thinking and who they're talking to, and so, but that future self is is really, you know, it should be everyone's north.

Speaker 2: 11:51

Absolutely. I think it's such a powerful way to approach your life Right, and I think you know full disclosure. This was me like four years ago, you know, when I started this podcast. It was like we were all victims of COVID and the pandemic. And how do we help ourselves with it as opposed to making a conscious choice every day to approach the world a little bit differently or be grateful for the opportunity to impact the world in a positive way? And it's tough, right, but it has been a little bit of a rewiring for me personally through the ups and downs and struggles of life, and I have found that having that ideal and having some level of accountability with yourself has been key.

Speaker 2: 12:55

I think the other thing I'm curious to get your perspective on is external help, Because I think the other thing that I would say that has helped me has been that I haven't done it alone. I've had people hold me accountable. My wife has been a key supporter of mine and I didn't always feel that way, but she was right. But my patterns were that I would get defensive when she would point out something I was doing or not listen or think that she was picking a fight when in fact she was actually caring for me or trying to keep me from burning out Therapy has been really helpful. I've been curious about some of the supplementation that can be supportive as I continue to age and so I'm curious. I know there's a lot we can do kind of internally. As you look at some of the external things that we can do to help support ourselves, what are some tactics that we should be thinking about as we approach rewiring our brains?

Speaker 1: 13:59

So always getting back to the basics, the foundations, feet in the grass, earthy, and grounding yourself, getting sunlight every day, multiple times a day, going outside we used to spend like 90% of our time outside and now we spend like 90% of our time indoors. This is really important. Also, the people you choose to have conversations with. That is really impactful. Really getting yourself uncomfortable to start to speak to people that are living in a way that you are aspirational of and just asking them straight up, like set your ego aside and say, man, every time I see you, you're just so full of life. Like, what's your secret? What are you up to Right? Like we need to have conversations and that's the whole thing with, like COVID is, people are no longer connecting and that's insane. We are meant to connect.

Speaker 1: 14:55

So when you say, you know, going to counseling and getting help and your wife having these conversations with you, like these are very, very important human interactions that we have and you know for you, you recognize that you were showing up. Oh gosh, is she trying to pick a fight with me? When really, like you know, she's just trying to be like, hey, you know, like let's look at this thing, and you know, and I always go back to the four types of communication styles because I'm a very direct communicator where my husband is a very analytical person. So, me being very direct, I ask my husband hey, babe, and I ask him a question what do you think about blah, blah, blah? He will sit there literally for like 30 seconds, 40 seconds, not saying a word.

Speaker 1: 15:42

And at the beginning of our marriage I was like dude, are you, are you even listening to me? Or like, why aren't you saying anything? And he's sitting there in deep thought, and so I think he's mad because he's like, concentrating, and I'm like, hello, get to the point, because I'm a direct communicator and he's over here analyzing to you know, respond to this thing. And so I've interpreted in my head that he's mad or I've made, you know, made him upset where he's over here, like it takes him a minute to answer the question, you know. And so it's knowing. Also, learning about where other people are at and how they communicate is, like, really important. Not everyone communicates the same way that we do, which is what I always thought.

Speaker 1: 16:26

And that is very disruptive in a marriage. And then you know, you may be married to a cheerleader. So they're called the promoters, right. And so the promoters are going to be like, you know, oh, let's go do this thing, it's going to be so much fun. And they've already had it planned out in their head and like, if you're married to someone like that, you're like, and you're an analyzer, you're like, oh crap, she's already planned it. And then you're sitting there trying to get the bullet points, how's this going to work? And it can make you be very like, uneasy, you know.

Speaker 1: 16:56

So it's very interesting humans, how we are, and how we're very different, but at the end of the day, we have to collaborate, we have to work with other people, getting coaches, trainers, mentors, you know and a lot of people stop seeking out those people after they graduate high school or college or trade school or they're out of the military, they quit leveling up and that creates a problem because if we're not living with a purpose or a goal like, we're literally suffocating ourselves.

Speaker 2: 17:28

Yeah, I couldn't agree more and I think you know there's so much, there's so much truth there that you know a lot of times we talk about like this, you know what's this new, new tactic or new approach, but so much of it comes down to the kind of the, the connectivity between the people that care about you right, and the way that you interpret that and the way that you you work together and the people that you surround yourself with. So you mentioned, like connecting with, communicating with people that are living in the way that you want to live and actually having an open dialogue. I mean, when was the last time anybody actually like asked you a real question at work, right, you know? Or when was the last time you asked an employee a real question, like not, hey, how you doing?

Speaker 1: 18:13

Right.

Speaker 2: 18:14

How are you doing Actually right, like I actually want to know how you're how you're doing, and so so that that leads me into, kind of, my next area that I wanted to kind of understand a little bit more.

Speaker 2: 18:28

So one of the areas that you focus on is is people living in their kind of their true, authentic selves?

Speaker 2: 18:34

And I think this is another area where we're starting to realize, especially in the workplace, that this people not doing this is a really big issue and it's causing a lot of friction at work, it's causing a lot of mental illness, it's causing people to retire and feel like they wasted their lives and like I can't think of any worse like, like travesty for somebody to feel that way at the end of their you know their working, you know time. So so, as you, as you look at individuals working to find their, their true, authentic selves, is this kind of in the same line of rewiring your brain, or or is this, like I guess the other way to think about it is just like or do we have to go on a journey to deep within to figure out who we actually are? Like, like, how do we kind of start this and, and you know where, where do we go? Because I think it's easy to lose sight of who you used to be and who you really are.

Speaker 1: 19:32

Yeah Well, we have all this automatic programming. You know, before we were seven years old, we have all this automatic programming. The best way to really get in alignment with who you are, you'll know, because the very things that get you excited, and these are things that are going to cause change in your life, they don't scare you when you're really in action towards them.

Speaker 1: 19:54

Any time we have changed in our life. It can feel uncomfortable and, you know, if we stay in our heads we can get fearful. But again, if you're in action towards the things that get you excited, that make you want to wake up every day and go to it, you are going to be more in alignment, you are not going to feel depressed, you are not going to feel anxious on a day to day basis. You may feel sad at one point, you may feel anxious at one point, but shift that anxiousness into excitement and realize also I think in our culture we do a really like, we do a disservice. Okay, you're supposed to feel sad. You're supposed to feel excited. You're supposed to feel anxiousness. You're supposed to feel anxiousness. You're supposed to feel anger, jealousy, rage. You are supposed to feel this whole array of emotions because you are human and we have this polarity.

Speaker 1: 20:50

But we've been being told well, if you feel this way, then this means you are quote unquote depressed, or you have anxiety, or you have ADHD, or you have this or you have that.

Speaker 1: 21:03

And so I challenge you, number one, to say what if nothing's wrong with me?

Speaker 1: 21:07

To begin with, because there's not. But then also, two, stay focused on what excites you, because most of us, when we were like going into our career or we were going to college or trade school or whatever it is that you did to figure out where you're at now, there was a point where you were so excited and you got that job, you got that promotion, you started doing the thing, you started the podcast, you started doing all these things and then guess what? You stopped doing. You stopped putting your future self in mind and you started just going through the motions and allowing yourself to be reactive to the day to day and you start to forget why you started, you forget where you're going and you're not having that future self in mind and I think that is that's the biggest thing of why people are like oh, I don't know what I'm supposed to do with my life. You know, you're just not taking action towards it and you're not in alignment with it. So it feels so uncomfortable that you're not willing to take that first step towards action.

Speaker 2: 22:17

So I like what we did there, because we just went full circle to where we started this, which is, as opposed to blaming circumstances or blaming others or falling into this routine or this other thing, this routine or this assumption that this is all there is and I'm just going to fall into this routine, actually taking accountability and realizing, yeah, there's a reason you got into this situation in the first place. And if it's not, I mean, I think what's interesting about this like bringing your authentic self to work is, you know, work isn't all sunshine and rainbows, or puppy dogs and lollipops, or whatever.

Speaker 2: 22:54

Yeah, whatever whatever you want to come out right, yeah, like it's not awesome every day, but you know, one of my great mentors said you know, you, just when you look at your month, did you have more good days than bad days last month? Right, like, that's actually a fairly good barometer of how you're doing, yeah, and I mean it's served me fairly well. But I do think, you know, I think many of us, especially those of us in the kind of people profession, need to remember that you know, we actually hopefully got into this job because we actually like people, like we want to help, right, like a lot of like most of my, you know, colleagues are helpers and but it's so we're supposed to be helping.

Speaker 1: 23:40

Right, like that human nature Like you're supposed to be helping. I mean, if you're not contributing something beyond yourself, you're going to feel like crap, exactly yeah.

Speaker 2: 23:50

And that's and. But if you feel like you're not like, if you feel like you're like working in a soulless, purposeless, like, like role and you're in a people role, then you need to yeah, you need to take an audit and figure out why, Because that's a guarantee that there's probably some passion in you that led you to this.

Speaker 1: 24:06

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 24:07

You've got to find it, yeah.

Speaker 1: 24:09

You get to choose, like how exciting your day is Like. You get to choose.

Speaker 2: 24:15

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 24:15

Yeah, literally you get to choose that, and if your work seems boring, spice it up, yeah.

Speaker 1: 24:21

Show up in a different way. Quit showing up in the same way, complaining that work sucks, when you're still showing up in the same sucky way. Right, like, show up in a different way. You cannot be the same person that you were yesterday, the next day, or you're going to have the same results. And it all starts with a thought. All we have is our thoughts and our intentions, and then you got to put action behind it. But you have to start being able to visualize the life that you want, cause what I find is, when I work with people, I ask them if all your problems went away and you were to wake up tomorrow, what would you do? They can't answer it.

Speaker 2: 25:01

Hmm.

Speaker 1: 25:02

Well, I don't know. I'd be happy. Okay, we already established that all your problems went away, but what would you do? And if you have a hard time answering that? That's some stuff to sit with and get in alignment.

Speaker 2: 25:19

That's an interesting thought exercise. I could go a lot of different directions with that. Yeah, no, that's cool. Okay, we're going to leave it there. So that's the question. I challenge everybody that's listening to this right now Ask yourself that question, and if you can't answer that question, then there's a reason. There's something more to uncover. With that being said, we're going to shift gears. We're going to go into the Rebel Flash round. Are you ready?

Speaker 1: 25:44

I, I don't know. I hope so.

Speaker 2: 25:46

Oh, it's going to be fine. All right, okay, all right. First question when do people need to rebel against their lives?

Speaker 1: 26:01

Hmm, well, I think that we all. If you're going in alignment with your true, authentic self, you are rebelling 100% because, the box we've all been put in since the moment we were born.

Speaker 1: 26:14

That is not where we're supposed to be. Rebellion against what is expected of us in this life and what people have told us, who we're supposed to be, how we're supposed to be. I think that's where we can rebel. But if you rebel with your future self in mind, that is where and you keep moving in action towards your true, authentic self. Yeah, you're just. I think that's the true. I mean I'm. I'm a rebel. I literally started a company in a conservative town that people are like what are you doing? And I'm like all of the above, I'm doing all the things that make everyone uncomfortable and I'm good with it.

Speaker 2: 26:53

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 26:54

Oh yeah.

Speaker 2: 26:56

Plus, it's cool right.

Speaker 1: 26:58

So good, good work.

Speaker 2: 27:01

I love, I love that perspective, but it, you know, it's, it's, it's like, yeah, you know, I've had a lot of great mentors in my life, but one of my mentors once told me like, if everybody likes what you're doing, you're not making a big enough impact. Yeah, Right, like, like, like, not everybody's gonna. You're not everybody's cup of tea, right, you're not everybody's jam, and that's okay, right, cause if you are, you're watering yourself down to to like the lowest common.

Speaker 1: 27:24

You're not really doing mutt, honestly.

Speaker 2: 27:26

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 27:27

If you, yeah, you're like a chameleon, right, like, okay, yeah, no, I get that. I love that. That's great.

Speaker 2: 27:35

All right. Question number two who should we be listening to?

Speaker 1: 27:40

Oh man Well. So I don't know if anyone has read the book or there's a. His name is last name is Singer and he wrote the Untethered Soul. Have you read that book?

Speaker 2: 27:53

I have not.

Speaker 1: 27:54

Okay, it'll change your life, all right, so stay with me for a second. So who we truly are is not that voice inside our head. Who we truly are is the one witnessing that voice. So if you're not the voice inside your head and who you truly are is the one witnessing that voice, that witness is who we should be with, who we should be listening to.

Speaker 1: 28:27

Mmm because that is like your soul in print. That is like you came down to planet earth for whatever reason. There's a one in four hundred trillion chances of being born. You have a better chance of winning the lottery multiple times. And if that's the case and you're here, you're here for a reason, and it doesn't look like the same reason any Other human on earth why they're here. We're all supposed to be doing something very, very, very differently. So I think you got a. You know, go to that versus that voice in your head. That's that's what I wrote my book about Stop blowing yourself. It's like that voice inside your head. That's like it pushes you to be better. But even when you get better, it's like, oh, you're still not good enough, oh, you still need to do this. That is, that is the destructive voice. So, yeah, don't listen to that one.

Speaker 2: 29:17

Oh, wow, that's yeah, that's powerful, and you know I, we can go a lot of different directions with that I, but I, you know, I feel like the, the voice that you hear that you're witnessing a lot of times that's other people's opinions, right, 100% it's. It's the story that you're telling yourself. It's not actually what's going on, right, or the story that other people are telling you. So with that, that's a perfect segue. Final question so you've got we barely scratched the surface on some of your work here. You, you've got a lot of Of tools, resources. You've obviously written a book. So how can our, how can our listeners connect with you, learn more, get their hands on the book and and learn more about the work you do?

Speaker 1: 30:00

Yeah, you go to happy hole. You dot com forward slash podcast. Or at happy hole you on Instagram, on LinkedIn. You know social media stuff.

Speaker 2: 30:12

We will have all of that information, the show notes, check it out, connect it. What was the name of the book?

Speaker 1: 30:18

again, Stop bullying yourself. Stop bullying yourself. If you're not a reader, I'll read it to you on audible. I'll put you to sleep at night. There you go.

Speaker 2: 30:30

Well, for all you, audio files that are listening to this podcast. Yeah, that can. That could be a good option. So, dr Anna Marie Frank, thank you so much again for for spending just a few minutes with us here, giving us some things to think about, some tactics that we can use to to show up as our authentic selves in our lives, and, and, and and stop blaming and start doing so. Thank you.

Speaker 1: 30:56

Thank you.

Speaker 2: 30:57

All right, that does it for the rebel HR podcast. Big Thank you to our guests. Follow us on Facebook at rebel HR podcast, twitter at rebel HR guy, or see our website at rebel human resources dot com. The views and opinions expressed by rebel HR podcast are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Any of the organizations that we represent. No animals were harmed during the filming of this podcast.

Speaker 1: 31:27

Maybe you.